Through support groups I am learning the difference between walls and boundaries. Walls keep me isolated and keep me locked inside. Walls are firm and do not move. Boundaries keep me safe. Boundaries are flexible and are made with love for myself and those around me.
I have made walls most my life. That was how I kept myself safe, but they also kept others out and me alone inside. I hide inside walls I build by getting lost in books. Reading about other people and other people’s adventures keeps me from enjoying others and from having my own adventures with others. When I stay at home and don’t go to meetings or out to meet with friends or family I build walls of isolation. I isolate when I keep my emotions and thoughts inside and don’t talk and share and learn from others. When I react with anger or self-righteousness I build walls of bad feelings.
When a loved one does something that does not feel good, I can act with love and create loving boundaries. I can lovingly decide what I am going to do in response to others’ actions and words. I am free to change my boundaries at any time if they don’t work for me any longer or if I find I cannot follow through with what I thought I wanted to do. Boundaries don’t isolate me. They keep me safe spiritually, emotionally, physically and socially. Healthy boundaries give me more self-confidence and help me to be gentle with myself and others.