Growing up I felt unsure of myself and afraid of life. I felt like no one else had these feelings and that I was alone. I never shared these secrets with anyone which isolated me even further. Growing up and as an adult I made many mistakes and made decisions that I later regretted. I learned negative coping methods while living with loved ones with addictions. All these added to my terrible pile of secrets and my already low self-esteem dropped further.
I’ve learned through support groups that secrets only hurt me. I heard “you are only as sick as your secrets”. Listening to others share in meetings has shown me that there are others who have felt the same things I have felt. I can feel my isolation lifting. As I have slowly learned to share my thoughts and feelings they have lost their power over me. My self-esteem is rising.
As I completed my 4th and 5th steps and forced myself to face my past and the “terrible” mistakes and decisions I have made, I learned that I was doing the best that I could at the time. I can forgive myself and even like myself.
I am growing more self-confident. As I relax I make friends who support me and love me as I am. I am learning to make decisions with confidence. As I live “one day at a time” I can face life with anticipation instead of fear. As I set my secrets free I set myself free.