I am human and make mistakes.
Being human is hard. I have always had trouble keeping my emotions under control. I cry easily – when I’m happy, sad, scared, worried, etc. This does not serve me very well. People did not understand and sometimes would misunderstand and think I was trying to manipulate them. I would also become very emotional when other people were emotional. This would sometimes lead to escalations.
I’m a very quiet person and when I get emotional I do not think very well and don’t know what to say. Conversation is very important, especially in relationships. Imagine trying to have a conversation about a subject that I felt very strongly about and my loved one thought something totally different. It was impossible and would either end up in an escalation or fight or I would go to bed crying and mad at myself for not being able to express myself. I also thought that if I agreed to something under duress, that I had to live with it.
Over time, I have learned to “detach with love”, meaning I can think more clearly and without crying during a conversation. I’ve also given myself permission to go back and amend something that I later regret saying or agreeing to. It’s OK to change my mind or my opinion. I’m still working on these things. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. I give myself permission to be human.