Growing up I learned to hide before trouble started. I could read the atmosphere around me and disappeared as soon as I felt unsafe. This trait may have kept me safe as a child, but as an adult it showed up as fear of conflict, not being able to say what was in my heart, having trouble showing my real self and making friends, being uncomfortable in crowds, placating, fear of standing up for myself and those around me, not knowing how to make decisions and sudden irrational urges to escape.
Support groups have taught me to stop and think when these feelings and behaviors come up. I can choose to be vulnerable and show my real self and allow friendships to begin. As I have conversations that I might feel uncomfortable about asking questions and trying to understand others helps me relax. I can look at all angles of a problem and ask God for help in making decisions.
When I allow fear to govern my actions I am falling back into my old unhealthy ways of dealing with things. When I allow fear to govern me I am telling myself that I cannot change and grow.
Today when I feel fear I can choose to stop and think and choose a better more healthy way. I am excited about all that I am learning and at the opportunity to grow and change.