I am powerless over other people, places, things and many situations. As I have listened to others describe people and situations that they have no control over, I realized that I often try to control and manipulate also.
In the past, I can see times where I have tried to exert control with no effect. I thought that if only I could do or say the “right” things that other people would not be “mad” at me. I have done or said things to try and distract people from talking about or doing things that I did not want them to. By doing and saying or not doing or saying things I have sought to gain acceptance and love from people. I was trying to be what I thought others wanted. This only pushed people away, lowered my self-esteem and made me feel angry and unsatisfied with myself.
As I look at myself I constantly see places where I need to let go. Sometimes I still want other people to change so I can be happy. I even try to control the direction and speed of my own recovery process.
It takes me time to see what and who I am trying to control. As I figure it out, I can take steps to let go and remember that I am powerless over others. I can put the focus back on me – the only thing that I can control.