I am still working on patience. When I realized that happiness was a choice, not a product of the things that happened to me, I was ready to work the steps and change and be done yesterday! But this attitude brought a new kind of anxiety and stress into my life.
I wanted to heal and get rid of my defects and get on with being happy. But, I often make mistakes and fall back into my old ways of dealing with things and into my old defects. I found that I needed to be patient with myself. When I am anxious and worrying about my lack of progress, I am focusing on the destination rather than on the journey. The future is my focus and not the present. I miss the beauty and the gifts that today has to bring me.
Many positive changes are in my life now that I was not even aware of making. I now realize that I can be happy today, right now. I don’t have to wait to be happy until I reach an unknown destination sometime in the future. When I live in the present, live “one day at a time”, have patience with myself and am aware of all that is around me, my happiness increases. I notice today’s beauty and gifts all around me.
Some people like epiphanies and some don’t. I love epiphanies!
I like epiphanies because I now realize that I get things when I am ready to understand them. There have been times when someone has told me something and I’ve thought “That’s nice.” and immediately forgot about it. Later I heard the same thing and it meant so much more. I used to berate myself for not getting things earlier, but that does no good and only brings up my old ways of dealing with things: anger, fear and anxiety. To really understand something it must be the right time, the right place, the right circumstances and come from the right source.
One day I was talking about giving my burdens to God and heard myself saying “but I keep taking them back.” I realized that I have more control over my own happiness or misery than I recognized.
Another epiphany I had was when I was reading an article and realized that I was subconsciously thinking of myself as a victim and my loved one as a perpetrator. This was affecting my attitude and all that I felt and did. Recognizing this was really an eye-opener. As a victim I could not be happy. I open up a wide vista of happiness, peace and fulfillment when I let go of being a victim. I am not a victim!
I love epiphanies and look forward to getting them. I know that I will understand things in the right time for me.
Recovery takes time.
Addiction recovery takes time. Recovery is a process of physical, mental & emotional change. As my loved ones attend recovery meetings and work on themselves, I can be patient.
Patience does not mean waiting angrily or waiting anxiously, but patience is active waiting. I can work on my own growth and healing. I can focus on myself and learn to overcome my own weaknesses and improve my own spirituality. When I focus on myself, it is easier to stop obsessing about my loved ones and their addictions.
As I abide in faith and am patient, I will grow and learn and my mind will open and expand. I can let go of fear and anxiety. I can reach for peace and hope and joy.
Patience is hard to have when dealing with addictions. How do I be patient with a relapse? How do I respond appropriately to all the crazy things that happen in my life when I live with and around loved ones with addictions?
I am learning many things as I practice patience and waiting on my Heavenly Father. I am learning independence – to be happy no matter what is going on around me. I’m learning to give myself love and acceptance and not to depend on others for those things. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own growth and learning.
The enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ helps me to grow and learn and change. I am so thankful for Jesus Christ. He walks with me and carries my burdens as I practice patience and learn to give my burdens to Him.