Trying to fix is controlling.
Instinctively I want to fix the problems around me. I want to fix them even if they are not my problems, or especially if they are not my problems. Fixing helps me to think of myself as being dependable and responsible.
I heard in support meetings to “mind my own business”, that I was keeping others from learning and growing and that fixing others people’s problems was in fact enabling them in their addictions. These ideas took me awhile to understand because I thought I was supporting, helping and serving others as well as being dependable and responsible. I realize that by solving problems for others I am not allowing them to gain knowledge and growth from working on their own problems.
I still struggle with knowing whether I am supporting, helping and serving or whether I am enabling and keeping someone from growing. But, I know that God is an expert at this. When I turn to Him and ask, I can know whether I need to support others by working with them, lovingly standing by, focusing on my own problems, or doing something else that I had not even thought of.
I cannot fix or control anyone else.
One of my weaknesses is trying to fix people. I think I know what everyone else should do, but often have no idea what I should do. I am learning to focus on myself and to think through things and make decisions for myself.
I really do not know what is best for someone else. Thinking that I know what is best for another person is just another way I show my own illogical thinking of trying to control the uncontrollable – other people, places and things. When I go to support groups I am around many people that have lots of problems and live in various circumstances. I can help others by letting them talk things through and by sharing my own experience, faith and hope. I am not helping when I tell another person what they should do or say or how they should feel. I am falling back into my own weaknesses.
I need to remember to allow others the freedom and joy of learning, growing and thinking through and solving their own problems. I am learning to take responsibility for my own life and I can allow others the same privilege.