My defects return with fear

defectsFear and Defects.

Fear is often the catalyst for bringing out my defects and old behaviors. Trying to control other people, places or things – things over which I have no power, can trigger my fear. Living in the past or the future can also trigger my fear.

When I try to control things over which I have no power, I become fearful and anxious. When I remember that I can only control me and put the focus back on myself, my responsibilities and then my fear shrinks. I remember I can handle my own responsibilities with God’s help.

When I spend too much time living in the past, I feel fearful and guilty. When I spend too much time thinking about the future I start to worry and get fearful. Living in the present moment helps me to be calm and more peaceful. When my mind is going round in circles about the past or the future, I can focus on what I’m doing right now and my fear recedes. I can focus on enjoying what I’m eating, put my energy into cleaning, cook a fabulous meal or focus on whatever I’m doing right now. These are precious moments that I don’t want to lose by living in the past or worrying about the future.

Fear is a normal and natural human feeling. There are many things that can trigger my fear. Learning about the atonement in support groups has given me tools that I can use to let go of fear.

Fear sometimes runs my life!

Fearfear

Fear is one of my weaknesses. If I’m not careful it can consume me and overtake my life. I have fear about what others think of me. I am scared of the future and the bad things that could happen. Sometimes I am anxious about what my loved ones are doing when I’m not with them. I worry that I won’t do a good job in my responsibilities. Often I am scared that I’ll mess up. I have lots of fears.

The other day I was reading, “…perfect love casteth out all fear” (Book of Mormon, Moroni 8:16). How can love cast out fear? Maybe love is the opposite and they cannot exist at the same time.

I’ve noticed that if I occupy my mind with good music, a physical activity or just about anything, the anxiety will go away for a while. If I do something for others then I feel good about myself and my love for others increases and my fears stay away longer. I can work on being a true disciple of Jesus Christ and pray for the gift of charity (see Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:48). I can overcome my fears and replace fear with love.

Fear makes me hide

Fear.fear

Growing up I learned to hide before trouble started. I could read the atmosphere around me and disappeared as soon as I felt unsafe. This trait may have kept me safe as a child, but as an adult it showed up as fear of conflict, not being able to say what was in my heart, having trouble showing my real self and making friends, being uncomfortable in crowds, placating, fear of standing up for myself and those around me, not knowing how to make decisions and sudden irrational urges to escape.

Support groups have taught me to stop and think when these feelings and behaviors come up. I can choose to be vulnerable and show my real self and allow friendships to begin. As I have conversations that I might feel uncomfortable about asking questions and trying to understand others helps me relax. I can look at all angles of a problem and ask God for help in making decisions.

When I allow fear to govern my actions I am falling back into my old unhealthy ways of dealing with things. When I allow fear to govern me I am telling myself that I cannot change and grow.

Today when I feel fear I can choose to stop and think and choose a better more healthy way. I am excited about all that I am learning and at the opportunity to grow and change.

What if…? These questions make me worry!

what ifWhat if questions make me fearful worried and anxious.

“What if…” Too often I have said or thought these two little words that bring such fear, worry and anxiety into my life. What if my loved ones slip up again? My loved one could spend all our money and then we could not pay our bills! What if my loved one loses his job? What if my loved ones don’t come home? What if my loved one doesn’t take care of the children while I am gone? My imagination can think of lots of things to fill in the blank.

Yes, all these things could possibly happen, but they probably won’t. I am filling myself with lots of dread and am putting myself through needless suffering. Fear, worry and anxiety keep me in the past and future so I do not enjoy the present. They will not prepare me for these things if they do happen. I cannot do anything about things that have not happened.

I cannot see the future. Just because something may have happened in the past does not mean it will happen today or in the future. I can live “one day at a time” and be grateful and happy today. I can handle things as they come along.

Where is God?

Revelation.

skyI got caught up in worry, anxiety and fear while living with and around my loved ones with addictions. A downward spiral left me feeling these negative emotions continually. This went on for years. I never felt the spirit so I thought that God had left me behind. I believed that God only spoke to special people – like prophets.

I did not realize that I could not feel the spirit while feeling strong negative emotions. Heavenly Father knew that I was not receiving His inspiration so He put things right in front of my face that showed me that He did love me. He gave me a friend that encouraged me to go to 12 step meetings and finally took me with her.

As I began to heal and to feel peace, joy, happiness and serenity in my life I also began to feel the spirit again. I realized that God had never left me, that He was always there and walking beside me. It was the strong negative emotions that had kept me from feeling His gentle promptings.

As time went by and I gained spiritual experience I learned how to recognize inspiration from God. I learned that sometimes He lets me figure things out on my own and learn by experience. I learned to ask questions throughout the day and to trust the thoughts and feelings that come into my mind and to follow guidance quickly. I learned patience and to have peace in my life as I realized God always answers my prayers in His time.

Revelation is a gift from God that I need while I am here on this earth. It is available for everyone. I need to take time each day to be holy so that I can continue to gain spiritual experience and receive revelation. I want to always recognize that God is walking right beside me.