Slipping back into old ways…

Slipping

Sometimes I start slipping back into old ways of denial and not living in the present. A lot of pain returns and stays around. I start asking myself negative questions. Why do these things happen to me? Why can’t my loved one give me the love and support I need?

At these times I have found it very helpful to attend more than one support meeting a week. When I do this I am reminded to live in the present instead of living in denial. I am reminded that feelings are good – that I am alive and feelings remind me that I am alive. I remember to feel my feelings even if they hurt and to go through them so that I can let them go. I am reminded that I tend to turn to people for love and support that cannot give me that love and support. As I relax and accept these truths I can stop blaming, let go of the pain and find others who can and will support me. It is unreasonable to expect that one person can give me all that I need. It is OK to seek support from multiple people. I am reminded to reach out and not isolate. I am reminded of the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Making mistakes or slipping back into old ways is normal and human. I need the atonement, reminders and support from those who are going through similar problems to help me. I guess that’s why I’ve been going to support groups for 6 years now and have no plan on stopping! I want to keep the happiness, growth and change I have in my life now.

Sliding Backwards

Why am I back to fear and anxiety?

I am so thankful for the tender mercies of the Lord! Support groups are a tender mercy in life.

Recently I found myself moving backwards to the survival methods I learned as a child and to negative coping methods I have acquired from living with people with addictions. Things like: turning to people for support that cannot give me what I need, perfectionism, trying to control others, or running away from feelings like sadness, anger, worry, anxiety etc. My favorite way to run away is to not be present in my life so I don’t have to feel. These bad habits may have helped me survive, but they do not help me now. They keep me from learning, growing and being happy. I was stuck in fear and anxiety. No matter what I did I could not pull myself out of my slump.

During this difficult time I chose to go to extra support meetings. I know support meetings will remind me of principles and truths that I forget. I prayed and asked God for help and attended more meetings with hope, listening carefully for something that would help me feel better. At one meeting I was reminded again that one of my weaknesses was turning to people who cannot support and help me. I knew immediately that this was causing my fear and anxiety. I was reminded that I can put my trust in God and in my Savior Jesus Christ, that I can trust God’s plan for me. I felt the fear and anxiety flow out of me and be replaced with trust, peace and God’s love.

Support groups have saved my life from stress and fear and anxiety. They teach me how to apply the atonement to my life. I am so thankful for support groups! Without them I would be alone and in isolation I tend to regress. Support groups give me constant reminders, support and love that help me to learn, grow and be happy.

I am weak

Sliding backwards

I am so weak! I often fall back into my old ways, or let a good habit die out. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to make the good things I’m learning and the good habits I’m creating so much a part of me that they are me – so they are what I turn to first when something upsetting happens or something changes in my life.

But then I remember that we live in a mortal world. Everything worth doing is hard and takes work and is an uphill climb. Good habits are always hard to keep and easy to fall out of. It is so easy to start a bad habit and so hard to stop a bad habit. It is just part of this mortal world. But, then how can we ever change and grow?

How can we let go of our weaknesses and learn to be happy and find joy? I am so thankful for the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ! He can take a weak and broken person like me and make me stronger than I can be on my own. He can help me change and grow and find joy and happiness. I am so weak on my own, but with Jesus Christ I can do all things.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (New Testament Philippians 4:13)