Happiness is up to me.
I have learned that my source of sorrow or happiness cannot depend upon others. If my loved ones are angry, must I be? If my loved ones are hostile, must I be? Am I being disloyal if I find some self-confidence and choose joy and serenity while others choose something else?
When I try to share my sources of peace and joy with my loved ones, I am more often than not rejected. But, there was a time when I also rejected others’ attempts to share support groups and advice with me.
I am not my loved ones’ guide or master. We must each progress at our own pace and timing. I can accept things as they are and learn to love without trying to interfere or control anyone. My happiness is up to me!
Change is hard.
Change scares me! I had felt for some time that I needed to make some changes is my life, but, I was afraid. The changes that I needed to make involved other people. At least one person would not like these changes. I also knew that the changes would be a better example for those around me, even for my loved ones who would not like my decisions.
I was right about some people not liking my decisions. When I told my loved one what I was going to do they were very angry with me. They stayed angry at me for a long time. What I did not expect was the relief that I immediately felt. I had not realized that I was carrying so much guilt until I felt it lift away from me. The guilt was replaced by a feeling of happiness and peace. This feeling stays with me and helps me to stay firm in my decisions and to deal with the anger of my loved one.
As I follow my Savior and as I heal through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I continually receive guidance in my life. The more I follow this guidance and direction, more light and knowledge come into my life and I am filled with peace and happiness.
Good Stuff Hurts.
Have you ever felt bad after receiving a hug? Or had to leave a support meeting early because you could not take any more good stuff? Or had to leave a Sunday school class or other class because the topic hurt too much to stay? Sometimes good things hurt because they bring up painful feelings or memories from growing up or from the circumstances I have had to deal with when living with and loving others with addictions.
As I talk to a trusted person about these feelings, I am able to let them go. When I spent time writing my fourth step and talking to a mentor about my writings I found that the past was not as painful as it had been. I even like me sometimes. As I attend support meetings and watch, learn and express my feelings, I am healing from hurtful memories and painful circumstances through the power of the atonement.
As I look at myself now and look back on myself, I see many changes. I can enjoy hugs, look forward to support meetings, support others and enjoy and learn from classes of all topics. The atonement is amazing and affects all areas of my life. Life is good!
What if questions make me fearful worried and anxious.
“What if…” Too often I have said or thought these two little words that bring such fear, worry and anxiety into my life. What if my loved ones slip up again? My loved one could spend all our money and then we could not pay our bills! What if my loved one loses his job? What if my loved ones don’t come home? What if my loved one doesn’t take care of the children while I am gone? My imagination can think of lots of things to fill in the blank.
Yes, all these things could possibly happen, but they probably won’t. I am filling myself with lots of dread and am putting myself through needless suffering. Fear, worry and anxiety keep me in the past and future so I do not enjoy the present. They will not prepare me for these things if they do happen. I cannot do anything about things that have not happened.
I cannot see the future. Just because something may have happened in the past does not mean it will happen today or in the future. I can live “one day at a time” and be grateful and happy today. I can handle things as they come along.