Review my day.
I have learned how important it is to stop and review my day. There are so many things in this world that can steal my time and lead me into bad habits and addictions without my realizing it. But, if I am looking at myself and my day I will see where I may be wasting time or becoming enslaved to something. I will see where I am falling back into my old ways and old attitudes. When I make mistakes during the day I will see quickly that I need to make amends. If I look at and remember my goals I see if I have made any progress on them. I can take steps early to change my behavior before it becomes a bigger problem.
I fall back into old ways.
When I forget to take time to ponder about my day I can miss seeing the blessings that come daily from God. I am not as grateful and positive at the end of the day. God gives me many blessings and tender mercies that I can miss.
I quickly and easily fall back in to my old negative ways of coping with things. When I forget to take time to think about my day I do not realize when I am sinking back into old ways and they can quickly become bad habits again.
It is so easy to spend hours on the internet caught up and sucked into Facebook, games and apps. When I forget to take time to ponder and think about my day, then days turn into weeks, then months before I realize how little I am really accomplishing.
I really want to grow closer to God and my Savior Jesus Christ and do God’s will each day. When I stop and review each day I can see where I am doing things to accomplish that goal and where I need to make a change. I am choosing God when I consciously think about the choices I am making each day.
Being good to myself.
I have learned that it is wise to “be good to yourself”. But sometimes it is surprisingly hard!
I am used to taking care of others and sometimes others expect me to take care of them. But when I take care of others they sometimes think that they need others to take care of them. Sometimes I think that to be useful or needed or good, I need to take care of others. Neither of these are healthy ways of thinking or living. It is OK to negotiate and divide up the chores, but it is not OK to expect others to take care of me or to think that I need to take care of others. This is not being good to myself.
Sometimes I relish my suffering and balloon things out of proportion. Maybe this is an addiction to drama or excitement. I am not taking care of myself.
When I nurse my grievances I resent my lot in life. With a victim mentality, I can blame everything that happens in my life on others. I am not being good to myself.
Learning to take care of myself and to be good to myself is exciting. Shrugging off “hurts” is freeing. Letting go of a problem brings peace. Being good to myself fills my bucket.
I share the trait of self-deception with my loved ones who have addictions. If someone heard my sad tale of life with my loved ones and then listened to my loved one’s equally sad tale of life with me, they would sound like totally different stories! “We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are”. We each minimize our own weaknesses and remember situations in our own way.
When I hear others stories, I need to refrain from giving advice to make a radical change. I cannot see the whole picture. Each person must make their own decisions.
Slowly I am learning to be present, to look at myself and others with open eyes and an open heart. As I seek to have the gift of being able to see clearly I am beginning to see better. I want to see things as they really are, as they really have been and as they really will be. I learn and grow as I weigh my choices, let go of judgement and learn to depend on the help of my Heavenly Father to make decisions.
A crazy life is not peaceful!
Before I came to support meetings I was angry and had lots of fear and anxiety. I was angry at myself and others, so feeling sorry for myself took up a lot of time. My life was crazy and I did not even realize there was a different way to live.
I was thinking that I cannot be happy because of how I was brought up and since I live with and around people with addictions and all the crazy behavior that goes with it (including mine). In support groups I am learning that I cannot change the past and can only control myself and my feelings. I am learning that feeling my feelings is important but it is also important to go through them and then let them go. I am finding lots of extra time as I am able to let go of feeling sorry for myself and let go of my anger with myself and others.
Now I have time to be happy and time to feel gratitude. Having more time means I can be more creative and start new projects. I can get more done in my life. I can even take time to relax which helps me to enjoy more serenity, peace and joy!